Tuesday, March 18, 2008

His and hers

Geoff's mom just emailed me to see if Geoff and I have a copy of a movie. I knew I didn't, so I checked with Geoff to see if he did. He didn't either - but it made me think about how even though we think of everything as ours, there are some pre-marriage items that to me are either Geoff's or mine - not "ours". Another example happened on Sunday when we were talking about The DaVinci Code, which I hadn't read. I thought I remembered seeing it when I was organizing our bookshelf - so I asked Geoff if he/we had it (I can't remember now which I said). He said yes. Stuff like books, CDs, DVDs, and other little things is especially hard to keep track of... I don't even know everything "we" have because not all of it is something that I was there for the purchase or gift of. They just all of the sudden appeared in my (our!) house. :) We both call our house our house 100% of the time (unless I am referring to it in the past, then sometimes I will say my house... like "oh, when I bought my house it was such a seller's market"). We call Jake my car and the Tahoe his car - but I think that is quite common, most people seem to designate a car as one person's or the other. Everything we received for our wedding or bought post-wedding is always "ours". We have 2 guest bedrooms, and it's kind of funny because they are set up kind of like his old bedroom and my old bedroom - one has my bed, my bedding, etc. and one has his bed, his bedding, his dresser, etc. Although our old TVs are swapped in the rooms (mine is in the room with his bed and his is in the room with my bed) - just realized that, interesting. In our master bedroom, we actually have a new bed, new TV, and new bookshelf. Geoff said those things really helped him to feeling like it was HIS house (his meaning ours, in this case) because we weren't just living in my bedroom with my bed and my bedding in my house - we had new stuff that was ours. We both have desks that we bought post-wedding, and even though they have designations of whose desk they are, they still seem to be more "ours" than Geoff's TV that he had in college. That's still "Geoff's TV".

I imagine everyone sees this phenomenon to a certain extent - it's probably minimized for a couple who was married right out of school, and amplified for a couple who got married in their 30's or 40's. I imagine it also becomes minimized as you have more years together - you have a smaller percentage of "pre-marriage stuff", due to just accumulating more things, replacing things, selling/donating/throwing away things, etc.

Another interesting point I thought of is that as a child/teenager, I never saw this. There were a few things I can think of, like my dad's old college textbooks and speakers he had in college, that were his. But I never even saw anything as being "my parents", it was all just "ours". Like it just existed in the house and it had always been there and it was all I ever knew.

This is off topic, but many times in my young adulthood I have thought about things that just always existed around the house growing up that I actually had to go out and PURCHASE. Like recently, a heating pad. What house doesn't have a heating pad? But mine didn't for a whopping 2 or 3 years... you actually need to acquire one at some point to have that. Things like rubbing alcohol (have), hydrogen peroxide (don't have), bleach (have because a roommate abandoned it in the laundry room), etc. Household stuff that you don't need very often but when you need you normally think of it as being in your house. Every time I realize I don't have one of these things and I need to go purchase it, I think of it as an "investment" - I won't need to buy it the next time it inevitably comes up that I need it (in 5 years). These things are becoming more and more rare but I am always amused when one comes up. I suppose by the time you have children you have acquired most of these things, or else when the child suddenly needs it you buy it. To the child it just always existed... they don't necessarily see the process of going out and purchasing it. Many of these things are so interesting to me because I can still remember very clearly my viewpoint as a child/teenager but am starting to be able to see the adult viewpoint as well.

No real point to this blog... just some random thoughts... :) This did however give me the desire to go home and study our book, DVD, and CD collections. They are all combined on shelves together, but I don't know what they all are. I went through and merged our office supplies recently so I have a pretty good idea in my mind of what we have and what we don't. We have a box of Geoff's mementos and a box of mine, and then a box of wedding stuff (to be scrapbooked). Toiletries are all merged. Luckily, I like to organize so that helped me combine everything and also make a mental note of what we have and don't. I had a GRAND time going through and combining and organizing all of our things! Garage stuff is all merged (yes, we both came into this marriage with tools!). I think that's about it... there's nothing else I can think of! Those are my thoughts for the day... comment away!

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