Sunday, March 27, 2005


Guys... this won't mean the same to all of you, but I'm happy, really truly happy, for the first time since I've moved to Oregon. I need to remember that not everything is always good or easy in life, but I am in the place that I love to be. I love to be single and independent and very happy with who I am, and that is what I am now. That's what gives me the happiness that I so long for.

There's so much to say... I'll sum it up with just a few random musings for now, and maybe get into more details soon.
- Amanda and Vin went on a first date last Wednesday, and a second date this Friday. YAY for them.
- Hmm I'm talking to Russ right now and he disagrees... he says I'm not happiest when I'm single. I'm going to have to muse on that for a while. I said to him: I mean, I need to be happy with who I am BEFORE I can enjoy dating someone. And it takes a while for me to get to that place after I date someone. So that's an interesting caveat. Certainly the times I'm most unhappy are when I'm lonely, which has happened when I was first an RA and when I first moved here, and also when I've broken up with someone (Julius, Doug, Vin).
- Okay will have to muse on that one more still, but that was a good first thought. And I know that a lot of you enjoy the blogs that are about ME and what makes me me, and not about what I've been doing.
- Okay now Russ just said: "just remember, you're an awesome woman. God loves, and the rest is just details about chemistry" What a wise man. I knew I picked good friends!
- Random musing #2: why are all of my closest friends always guys? Vin, Russ, Andy? Exception is probably Adds... interesting. I miss girlfriends. I have a lot of wonderful girlfriends, but the people I always tell everything too are guys. Hmm.
- CABO IS AMAZING. I need to go back.
- I had been craving unloading all of my "Oregon drama" on the NU peeps, and it was so what I needed. After doing that the first day, I felt so much better and just GOOD again for the first time in a long time. The whole trip in general solidified my happiness I think.
- I decided to stop analyzing everyone's relationship with everyone. I will still listen, give advice, and share information where necessary... but the analyzing was what was killing me, because it's pointles. What's the point of analyzing "why did she say that she likes guys with glasses?!?!" or "did he say that he likes dating engineers?" etc..... NO GOOD CAN COME OF IT. Life goes on, and things happen for a reason, and analyzing things before they happen really makes no difference other than creating unncessary drama, which I'm not a fan of.
- 2 good friends of mine here said today that they'd consider going to church with me sometime. They were both kind of random and I didn't really even intend for that to happen or be the question, but it came up. That gives me so so so much joy... it kind of reminds me how good God is, cheesy as that may be to many of you guys.
- For the first time in my life I gave up something for Lent this year. As a child it was never really mentioned, and then in high school I kind of realized it was the "Catholic thing" and then in college I knew a lot of people who gave something up but I never wanted to. I've always been jaded by "rules" and by people who do things just to do them, rather than for real. And this year is probably as far as I've been from God in 4 years, but God and I have connected in interesting ways in the last 3 - 6 months. I decided that I wanted to give something up, for real, to really do it, so I gave up coffee. Y'all know how much I *adore* Starbucks, and so it's been a challenge (not to mention working nights). The first week or so, it wasn't a big deal, but the second week I started craving occasionally just wanting a Frappacino or something. I just kind of pushed it aside, but then in the next few weeks I started doing the right thing and thinking about the REASON I had made the choice and about the sacrifices Jesus made for me and all of that good stuff. I've never been able to get so excited by Easter... to me, Good Friday has always meant more because that was the day Christ died for my sins... and this year I'm SO EXCITED. Yes, I've had this very real worldy thing to remind me... but that was the intent. To remind me, get me excited, and remember the excitement of having a living God. I almost went to 24 hour starbucks at midnight tonight, for the record. I can't WAIT for after church tomorrow when I go to Starbucks!!! :-)
- Okay sorry for that rant. But you're my friends, so you should know the real me, and so I'm telling you all of the inside info. :-)
- Best memories from Cabo: Costco, Lindsey the Canadian BINGO queen, the little Mexican gnat that Dena tried to swat away and then kicked out of the bathroom, Jason, Martini Jungle, the Jungle Bar, Cabo Wabo, El Squid Roe, The Shrimp House, Dena's "boyfriend" and his mother and grandmother, The Nowhere Bar, the awesome restaurant where the waiter was in love with Dena, alumni challenge, meeting people from Sunset High School, chips and salsa every day, not getting sunburned even when I tried, the bouncer beatdown, tequilla shots, playing connections and kings, Jennifer Garner being the cut-off for who's hot and not, conversations in the lobby until 5 AM, playing in the pool and hot tub and on "Shamu", Jason, seeing Russ on the way there, and just literally having the all around best vacation of my life. Let me know if you want more details on ANY of that!!!
- I'm so happy and blessed to have the friends I have, around the country and in Oregon. I have people I can tell EVERYTHING to and that really understand me and want to be my friend. Vin is probably the first ex-boyfriend that once we've broken up, really wanted to stay me friend. I'm decent friends with Doug and Julius, but not in that same best friends way as Vin, where we absolutely get each other and are a part of everything in each other's lives. And Andy of course is amazing... we are getting to that point where we reveal more and more about ourselves to each other and are becoming extremely close, and I so adore that. I love spending more time with him and talking to him non-stop, and he literally I think is the most kind and giving person I've ever met in my life and I appreciate that so much.
- Anyway, I'm talking to Doug online now which is cool, just chatting about life (seems to happen a lot these days, but at least I'm understanding life as a 20-something better now), but I'm getting ready to go to bed. Allegedly I'm getting up in 7 hours for Easter church. I really like 5 PM church better, but I'm going to sushi Easter dinner with Vin, Mike (his brother who I'm sure you'll hear more about now that he lives here), and his mom (who I met in October). So tomorrow's agenda is church, STARBUCKS, grocery store, Easter brunch, Easter sushi. And maybe actually getting a run in there sometime if my ankle gets better (I twisted it running in Mexico). Alright. Sweet dreams, thanks for listening, and honestly, thanks for being such an amazing friend! :-)

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